SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
