in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
