What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
