Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
