why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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