tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
