Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
