Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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