You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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