the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
