I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
