just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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