She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
