my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
