from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
