i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
