yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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