Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
