Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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