Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize