It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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