he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
