I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
