dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
