i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
