I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
