We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
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i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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