He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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