Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize