I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
