I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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