I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
