i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
