Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sobbing to NWA
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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