The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
