i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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