Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
