How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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