My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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