Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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