god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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