were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
