Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
