Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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