Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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