So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
