Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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