I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
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My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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