i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
