he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
