I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
