I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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