I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
