You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
