we have pet lesbian snakes
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
