your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
