I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
