Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
