there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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