dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
