There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
