Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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