Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
