I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
