Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
