Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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