He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
