I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
