If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
