I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
