your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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