so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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