her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
