"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
