She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
