How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
