Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You don't make any sense
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