she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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