Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My liver just broke up with me...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
