dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
