my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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